Sadie slept most of the morning and I managed to make 2 pairs of trousers, 1 funky beach bum striped linen for Archie and one cute drawstring waist CND sign flowery ones for wee Mabel - hope they fit her, they are too cute. I made them from the left over of Peggy's Xmas present Hoodie - they could be matchy matchy if mum and dad are so inclined? It was so nice to lose myself in the process of sewing - the hum of the machine and focus required helps me zone out. It also feels great to produce something creative and useful.
Sadie and I had a quiet lunch and then the hospital rounds begin.....
Dad was in good form today, he smiled a lot, was mainly awake and seemed to be aware of most things although it is so hard to tell......so we conducted a wee experiment.
I took a black marker and we wrote down, can you read this? to which he responded by his usual nod....then we thought he may be nodding to anything, so as our control we needed something we knew the answer to - for anyone who knows my dad well, they will know he pretty much doesn't like cooked veg, he can tolerate a carrot and the on going joke in the family is that he eats 1 sprout, a token gesture although he doesn't enjoy it much. So I wrote down do you want a Brussel sprout? - he nodded, then after a few seconds he grimaced, poor guy I think he understood eventually, however as I write this I realise he was probably thinking how surreal - why the hell are they asking me if I want a sprout, they know I hate them.......Yikes, when he gets better he is gonna be pissed of wi us.
He managed to walk the ward corridor with the help of the physio's and he is muttering more, he did say Antony tonight, although it wasn't clear. His infected arm is looking pretty rough, and he is in pain - he keeps showing it to us, hopefully the anti-b's will work soon. We left him watching the champions league on his wee portable flatscreen TV HEAVEN, the morn he is getting my DAB radio, plus he has his ipod - life of luxury on that ward.
I am becoming more accustomed to our life at present, I miss my dad and I miss my mum, she is occupied with maintaining her own mental health and being strong for dad so they are both inaccessible right now, for the 1st time in my life I'm in a crisis without either of my natural supports - I do feel rudderless...I know I have Pugs, and he is being awesome about putting kids to bed every night and picking up round the house while I go to eve visiting, but he is absorbed in his Finals - which are on Monday.
I feel my life is in a vacuum - very similar to when Alfie died, I exist from day to day, I only go out to nursery, the hospital or a quick nip to the shops, thank goodness for the running - I've run every night en route to the hospital, the staff are laughing at my braw legs in shorts!
Don't mean to sound woe is me, I actually am finding some peace in the quiet routine of our new temporary life. I just want to feel secure enough to relax and not flinch everytime I see my mums name come up on the mobile. I know she flinches everytime her house phone goes, can't imagine how hellish she feels.
Lovely to see them both having a wee cuddle the night, true soul mates, inspiring as always.
How amazing after all these years that they are still going strong, I remembered this afternoon that after my dad retired and mum was still working he bought flowers, croissant and bubbly for her coming home on the half day at end of term to celebrate the beginning of the holidays 'what a guy dad!' your responsible for me having such high expectations in my husband ( and rightly so).
Love youse xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment